Tim Burton: Remember Austin Powers? What if he were, like, a vampire, and then he came back to life in the 70s? Except the role is played by Johnny Depp! And hilarity ensues!
Producer: We all know that Tyra will never ever be the next Oprah.
Writer: Right.
Producer: But let's still inject it with some self-esteem building stuff, like Tyra talking one-on-one with the models, making them cry about their past, etc. And we'll throw in some "challenges" in which other models will be hired to tease the contestants, to see if they can handle it. We'll put them down while Tyra builds them back up again!
Damen Lindelof/Carlton Cuse: Ok, so it's a show about a plane that crashes onto an island. At first it is about survival, then they realize that they aren't alone. There are Others. These Others do experiments and start kidnapping some of the survivors of the crash. Then you find out there are more survivors than you previously thought. And there is a guy who has lived on the island for a long time, in an underground bunker. He is there to keep the world from ending by typing numbers into a computer. Then you find out there are spirits who whisper in the jungle, perhaps from previous generations, or from dead spirits. Off the island, they find the wreckage from the plane crash but it isn't the real plane crash; it's a mock-up filled with dead bodies dug up from graves so the world will think the plane was found while some dude named Charles Widmore goes back to the island to become the new spiritual controller/ruler of it. Some of the survivors escape the island and go home, but some stay on the island. After three years the ones who left come back to the island to get the people they left behind, but they can only do so if they get on an airplane and re-create some of the stuff that went on in the original plane crash, like the seating arrangements and such. Then there is some time travel, and the island disappears then reappears, then there are two separate timelines because an atom bomb explodes and works to correct the time flashes but also doesn't work. The survivors are trapped in these two timelines until they finally correct it, only to find out that none of this didn't even matter because all that mattered was that they meet each other in the afterlife.
J.J. Abrams: Sounds...complicated. Let's make it happen!
Writer: It's a show about a girl in law school who becomes a cheerleader to get a scholarship. I call it Hellcats.
Network Exec: Can it have girls in their underwear?
Writer: It's a show about vampires in a small town. I call it Vampire Diaries.
Network Exec: Can it have girls in their underwear?
Writer: It's a show about a sexy spy killer. I call it Nikita.
Network Exec: Can it have girls in their underwear?
Writer: It's a show about pretty white kids with problems. I call it One Tree Hill.
Network Exec: Can it have girls in their underwear?
Writer: It's a show about privileged teens in New York who deal with having lots of money, having sex, and scheming. I call it Gossip Girl.
Network Exec: Can it have girls in their underwear?
Writer: It's a show about privileged teens in Beverly Hills who deal with having lots of money, having sex, and scheming. I call it 90210.
Network Exec: Sounds like that last one.
Writer: I know, but this one takes place on the west coast, so there's water and beaches.
Network Exec: Can it have girls in bikinis?
Writer: It's a reality show about girls trying to become supermodels. I call it America's Next Top Model.
Network Exec: I'm not even gonna ask this time; I know the answer. But let's throw in some "nude modeling" just to be safe. Alright, looks like we're set with our new fall lineup!
Late show host of some sort: Tell us about your new movie.
Evan Rachel Wood: It’s a musical set in the days of MLK, the Vietnam War, hippies, and change, all set to a soundtrack of the Beatles! It’s serious business. But I can’t wait to see how the paper mache puppet scene turned out!
